effington:

I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say this is my favorite tweet in the history of the medium

thesassycat:

sluttybitch2007:

The rest of the space is going to be pretty pissed when they see this. 

did you google how to take a screen shot

during sex

  • bae: talk dirty to me baby
  • me: I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you

grimelords:

Telling the substitute teacher the wrong names: a classic. Telling the substitute teacher you are so old and born again every day, that ten thousand names could never define you, that you’re a shadowed mass swirling forth from jupiter, that your father is time and your mother is death, that you’ll swallow any scream of hers as you grow larger and ever larger: a super classic, king of the school, no homework ever.

watercolourstorm:

disappointing

slimiest:

a CEO walks into his office “any messages?” he asks his assistant
“two anons want to know who tom petty is and one just says ‘post your ballsack’”
“got it. check my dashboard”
“that skeleton gif you like is back again”
he rubs his chin pensively “mm. reblog that”

nosdrinker:

everyone who reblogged this is my enemy

nosdrinker:

everyone who reblogged this is my enemy

juilan:

Excuse me sir, you have something on your shirt

dampsandwich:

i’m gonna write the best song about chocolate milk that’s ever been written

dampsandwich:

Chocolate milk

You are so good

You treat me right

Like no one else could

yeatru:

unclefather:

the reply

ohhhhh my god
yeatru:

unclefather:

the reply

ohhhhh my god

yeatru:

unclefather:

the reply

ohhhhh my god

Being online means being ashamed